I'll try!

I will try to get in as much as possible about Sam's birth... because she and T-Puppy are both sleeping at the moment. I tried to nap with them, but the sun is just too bright for me to sleep (this is a good problem, right?).

So, we arrived at the hospital at 6am. By 7, my nurse was putting in my IV of fluid and pitocin. Since I was so nervous about the pit, or "vitamin P" as my nurse jokingly called it, I was quite anxious for the epidural. Around 7:30 my doctor came in and broke my water. I was already 4cm and about 60%, so she said I could get the epidural whenever I wanted. I didn't want to experience what I experienced with T-Puppy (the pain... oh the pain...) but little did I know what was coming. The anesthesiologist came in a little after 8 and gave me the epidural. It was so much more intense this time than with T-Pup. Oh my goodness...the pressure. I read in my journal what I experience with T-Pup and I described the epi as "a poke and a sting". No way Jose, not this time. Ok, so back to this birth.

By about 8:40ish, I was really beginning to feel some hard contractions. I told my nurse, because I should have felt them getting weaker, not stronger (b/c of the epi). She increased the dosage, and needless to say, within thirty minutes there was no difference. She called the anesthesiologist back and he tinkered around for a minute, then tells me he thinks it would be best if he did another epidural. You can imagine how happy I was (mucho sarcasm here...). So, I sat up again, went through the whole routine of getting it again. It's now about 9:15am. The anesthesiologist (he really is a great man, so enjoyed his presence there - honestly) stayed in the room with us for most of the remaining part of my labor. He helped keep W and I both focused and was wonderful with telling me to stop talking (or screaming!) and to breathe. Within 10 minutes of the second epidural, I knew it wasn't going to work. And sure enough, it didn't. My contractions were so hard I just kept saying over and over "I can't do this, I can't do this" and at one point told my nurse I just wanted a c-section. She told me (in a "I'm gonna be real with you" way) that the meds they would give me for a c-section were the ones my body was already rejecting... and I would feel it all. So, I dropped that idea quickly!

Even though I was having such hard contractions, it allowed me to progress super quickly. I think that is the "thing" that got me through. With T-Puppy, while trying to go natural, after two hours of hard contractions and NO progress, I became soo discouraged. Overwhelmingly discouraged. So, at least this time I felt like I could "see" some results to my writhing in pain.

I knew there was nothing else they could do, and that I would be delivering her naturally. So, I just tried to stay as focused as I could. I still can't believe I had two failed epidurals. Anyway, the nurse and anesthesiologist stepped out of the room for a minute, and all of a sudden I had the urge to push. I told W and he (in love! a strong husband love!) got in my face and told me that I was indeed NOT going to push and he was indeed NOT going to deliver our baby! The nurse and anesthesiologist came back in and W told them I was talking about pushing, so she checked me and indeed... I was complete. She paged my doctor (whose office is connected to the hospital). I swear it felt like 10 minutes before she came, but Whitney promises me it was only 5. She literally walked in (and I not-so-nicely asked her what took so long...oh the things I say in labor) stepped into her scrub gown, got her gloves on, and in this 20 second process I said "WHEN CAN I PUSH?" (capitalized = screamed) and she said on your next contraction... "I'M CONTRACTING!" -- "Ok Michelle, then push". Funny side note: with T-Pup (and epidural) they counted for me to push (10, 9, 8...) which helped. So, I said "SOMEBODY COUNT FOR ME!" and the anesthesiologist said "1, breathe!" and with that, my little daughter was born. Only one push. Dr. Kakani wasn't even able to get her mask on.

All I can say to describe delivering her was that it was the best and worst feeling I've ever experienced. Best because I knew I was so close to being finished, worst because... I'll just say "the ring of fire".

Afterwards I just laid there and cried. I was so overwhelmed and couldn't comprehend that I had just delivered without pain medication.

The next day the anesthesiologist came in and told us that what happened to me doesn't happen that often, he actually said one-in-a-million. He said my body has an adhesion (possibly created from the epi with Thomas) that prevented the medicines from the epidural from going down. He also said that next time I would need to look into a throacic epidural, which was the only likely thing to work. Then I would be numb from the neck down. This terrifies me. I would rather just do the whole thing natural than go through with all those needles again.

The Lord knew I wanted to experience natural childbirth, I just didn't know He would take me serious. I know that sounds funny, but He took me at my word. That kind of puts things in perspective for me.

Just in time - my two year old is awake. Please pray I would allow the Lord to birth things IN and THROUGH me in the way HE desires. His way is so much better than my own.